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Monday Word Humor

http://www.buzzfeed.com/adamellis/17-misused-and-made-up-words-that-make-you-rage?bffb

Most loyal bunny reader! #jweck

Movement. Love it.

Office Observations... Take 3

Recently noted new additions:

• The coffee/espresso machine blank stare phenomenon. I've noticed that inevitably, each and every single time I make a trip to the coffee machine to brew a much-needed afternoon espresso, there is a very-confused-looking fellow employee standing there staring at the machine as if it were a recently landed alien from space. Why, yes, colleague, that is indeed an espresso machine. The same one that was here yesterday, the day before that and the day before that. If you want an espresso, just hit start. Really, I promise. If you've never had an espresso before, why are you starting now?

• I've made mention of this one before but it's just so bothersome that I feel warranted in a re-mention. The office-peek-in. Door closed. Phone call taking place. Head in hands. Could not look busier, more disturbed or agitated if I tried. And yet still... always those heads that peek their way through the violatingly clear glass on my door. The words "you busy" silently conveyed through that ever-so-not-subtle head peek. Could I BE any busier if I tried? #peeksomewhereelse

• The constant getter-uppers. Okay seriously, you walk by my office every 5 minutes every day of every week. Did you not just visit the bathroom a mere sixty seconds ago? Is there more leftover food in the kitchen now than there was five minutes ago? Have you ever heard of that thing called telecommunicating? Really now, I know we all strive for more face-to-face communications in this overly digital age but really now. For the love of G-d, send an email every now and again. 

• ...and my very favorite of this month. The office e-cigarette smoker(s). Okay, folks, while I understand that blu e-cigs "don't contain nicotine, just vapor" and it's, like, technically "okay" to smoke them indoors, have we really come to a time where it's societally acceptable to chain suck away on a blu nicotine vaporizer in the midst of a highly important meeting in a conference room of 20+ people? Pardon me if I've missed that memo but last I checked, we haven't. Seriously, comrade(s), let's take this whole "ok to use indoors" thing with a grain of kosher salt and keep the e-cig OUTSIDE of the conference room. K?

Check back for more amusing office quandaries to come soon. Cheerio.

#diva

#freakyfriday #fridaythe13th

Woke up from series of intensely vivid, odd dreams. Could have sworn I was in the backseat of a minivan in some Southern state, only to find, once I finally emerged from my unconscious, that I was indeed merely in the confines of my Murray Hill apartment. Note: vivid dreams should not be considered an anomaly, however these were of particular oddity.

Ventured to gym in typical pre-work fashion. Almost fell off the treadmill while daydreaming. Apparently I never exited unconscious state. Whooops.

Bus transported me from apartment to office in, contrary to usual 25 minutes, mere 12 minute span. Consider this to be an element of Friday the 13th falling on the positive end of the spectrum. But still. Really. This expeditial phenomenon has nary occurred pre-dating this day.

Arrived at work with realization that I neglected to apply life to my face... read: eyeliner. Walked in to hear expected dismayed inquiry from innocent bystander colleague: "You okay Rachel?". This followed by sympathetic puppy dog eye look. 

Scheduled doctor appointment cancelled without informing said patient, namely moi, of said cancellation. Said patient would not have known if said patient had not pre-emptively called to confirm.

Elevator dropped 5 floors in roughly 2 seconds. Alone. #panicattack

G-d speed to me with the remainder of this day.

That will be all. Happy Friday the 13th y'all.

Top 10 annual grievances re the return of the NFL

10. My what-used-to-be-known-as-favorite sushi restaurant (note: said restaurant touts televisions) has morphed from a relaxing Asian dining experience into a veritable stadium of tense, angry sports viewers.  Isn't Asian dining supposed to be a relaxing experience? You know, the whole sitting on the floor thing?

9. The local neighborhood sports bar... with $2 mimosas mind you... that has been pleasantly uninhabited over the course of the last few months, no longer has a solitary bar seat for me to cheaply imbibe in.

8. Finishing off on #9,  if I do happen to get "lucky" enough to locate a seat, I inevitably get funneled and/or towered beer spilled on my non-football-team weekend shirt. #laundry

7. Monday morning "water-cooler convo" at the office morphs tragically from "where were you this weekend" or "nice tan" to "who did you cut from fantasy draft" just like that. My personal fantasy is that all these conversations could just get together and go somewhere else.... preferably far far away.

6. Addendum to #7: I do not have pleasant feelings towards water-cooler convo to begin with. And football water-cooler convo is just that much more unneeded in my life.

5. Girls wearing jerseys down the street as if it is totally normal. Cute jeans. Like the bag. But really, a little boy's jersey? That's your Sunday get-up? Where's Joan Rivers when you really need her.

4.  The fact that actual news outlets allocate any of their time to updating football-loving America on the latest NFL news. Really, CBS This Morning (read: Gayle) and GMA trust me when I say that I tuned in within my very limited TV window NOT to watch NFL scores. Anything real happening out there? Bueller? K thanks.

3. Male. Attention. Spans...

2. ... Disappear. Just kiss them goodbye and wish them well.

1. And lastly, perhaps most offensive of all, the unbelievably annoying ability of the football clock to neverrrrrrrrr everrrrrr move. What's that you say, 10 minutes remaining? Funny that 10 minutes have gone by and the clock is still exactly where it was 10 minutes ago. Football time in male land is equivalent to the commonly known "I'll be ready in 5" in female land. We all know that time allotment is nowhere remotely CLOSE to its purported quantitative value. 10 supposed minutes equals at a minimum 30 more minutes of torture. In conclusion, NFL season, you pain, inconvenience, annoy and tease me.

Now in the words of Miranda Priestly, that will be all. Before I close, though, I would like to put forth the following. Victor Cruz can do no wrong. Go Giants!! #reliefinaction

Crucial Coast Clashes

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-10-major-differences-between-new-york-and-l-a/

Wise Words from the fabulous Liz Taylor