Dating Woes

So, in case anyone missed the memo, I'm single and ready to mingle, thirty (something), flirty and thriving, and free to roam the world of dating these days.

Exciting? Maybe a bit. Annoying? Quite a bit more. Terrifying? Completely.

It's been a while since I truly explored the wondrous world of online dating. It's really a bottomless pit of, well, the pits. Sometimes. I mean, not everyone online could be a troll I would imagine. Right? Like, how could that be numerically plausible that every human being present on a dating site is unappealing? Forgive me if I sound callous or judgmental (I am but we're going to pretend I'm not for the sake of this post), for I am merely reporting on my experiences and thoughts thus far. (Well, save for a couple people that is).

Well, anyway, having set up a few dates in recent days passed, I have found myself in a state of forgetfulness as to how one should act on a date. What questions are appropriate and not so much so? Can I wear these really short shorts that I wear to the supermarket? Wait, probably not, right? These are the types of queries that go through my mind as I'm gearing up for a.... drumroll... DATE. In the spirit of list-loving, here are some of the dating woes and quandaries and questions I've pondered or wanted to ask as of late:

• Do you really want to sit here after nine plus hours of your (what I hope is) work day and talk about what you do for a living? Maybe I am way cookie cutter but that has proved to be my most frequently broached subject matter. Apparently I'm married to my own job?

• Is this just another calendar entry on your iCal? Is the rest of your week/month/year planned out with names such as "Bunny Okc", "Jane Jdate", "Monica Match" and "Tracy Tinder"? Actually, come to think of it, don't answer that.

• Do you think I look slutty in these really short shorts? Can you see my bra? Are these like, first date no no's? 

• Someone just texted me. Can I look at my phone? Do people do that on dates these days? What is proper technological dating etiquette? Please advise. 

• When you were at your apartment thinking about coming to this date, were you in as much of a state of dread as I was? 

• Which side of the bed do you typically prefer to sleep on? Just, you know, gauging so I know.

• Are you aware that I looked at your Facebook page already? Oh wait, no, you can't see who looks at your profile on Facebook, that's LinkedIn. Wrong social networking site. Well, now I just feel uncomfortably paranoid in my own head. Dammit, Rachel, get your networks straight.

• Are you one of those people who actually listens to bogus sleep tips such as "don't look at your phone two or more hours prior to getting in bed" or "no TV at night" or silly things of the sort? If so, I'm just going to get up and leave right now. I'm even willing to leave this Pinot unfinished on the bar.

• You drink coffee, right? Please say yes.

• Is it utterly obvious I have forgotten how to date??

I should probably just stop right now because if I keep going, this is not going to end. Ever.

Oh, the joys of singledom. :)