Subway Switcharoo

Here's a thought. You know what I noticed this morning? I get super unnerved when subway trains don't maintain their usual look and feel. Like, you know, the 6 train is supposed to have the shiny new light blue seats and have that whole sleek train feel going on. Well well, New York City MTA, I'll have you know that over the course of the last roughly four weeks or so, I have observed to my bitter dismay that some of the supposed-best-subway-line cars are indeed NOT 6 train cars!

And not only do these less-than-par cars betray the look and feel of the usually comforting 6 train, they are, like, completely and utterly different altogether. For instance, they go incrementally slower than the up-to-par 6 cars. Neat, I rhymed! But seriously, the slower speed is less than appreciated, non-6 train.

Okay, also, they are always inevitably at least five degrees hotter than the regular 6 cars. And trust me when I say, that is totally not necessary during the crazy crowded-ness of the morning commute hours here in the great city of Manhattan. While, yes, it may be 30 degrees maximum outside, we are all sporting hugely puffy jackets which are rubbing up against the jackets of the masses around us and we certainly do not need further heat blasting down upon our heads in this anxiety-provoking environment. Can you just act like your superior sister trains and cool off please?

You know what else? I don't really like those totally after-the-fact green illuminated "6 circles" to identify this clearly "not 6" train as such. (You guys know the circles I speak of). They just kind of look like impostors, which, I mean, they are, really. You are not fooling me, or any of us for that matter, with your fake 6 logo. And while I might normally appreciate the fact that this could aptly be dubbed a disco train, I don't appreciate it. Because I want my real 6 train back. Listen, all us real New Yorkers know that you used to be an N, R or Q train. You ain't foolin' no one with those totally obnoxious orange seats either. 

Psssh, 6 train. Yeah right. 

Thank you, Buzzfeed, for acknowledging the trials and tribulations of us curly girls

Tied for my top three are: #1, #5 and #26. And, while I'm at it, here are my answers!

#1. How do I get it to look like this? Um, little do you know, I just got out of the shower 20 minutes ago and as I do every morning, spend significantly less time than the average straight-hair girl primping myself. It looks like this by no effort on my part. #curlyluck

#5. Oh, I look good with straight hair? Really? Is that supposed to be a compliment since I wear my hair curly, like, every single day of my life except maybe once per month? So basically, I look good once a month? Cool, thanks for that swell back-handed compliment!

#26. Why don't I permanently straighten my curls? I'd say I get asked this question roughly every other day. Ugh, the keratin / the Asian treatment / the loss of all my character in one single $300 flash. Why don't I do that? Um, because that is the WORST idea I've ever heard. Killing my curls would be like killing my soul. So do me a favor, refrain from asking this question, like, ever again. K, thanks, bye!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/things-people-with-curly-hair-are-tired-of-hearing

#retweet (!!!)

RBunny got re-tweeted by the lovely Tyson Beckford. Not too shabby.

Hotness

I regretfully inform you that since my last "I Heart Celebs" B-logue post in which I recorded the shockingly long list of celebrities whom I have met, I have only one additional one to add. See picture to the left. Just kidding, I have no regretful sentiment whatsoever!

In case you're totally dense and don't know who this absurdly gorgeous man is, it is supermodel and super hot Tyson Beckford. Mm mm mm. The man is ridiculously good-looking and yes, kids, I had the pleasure of, you know, chillin with him last night at the People Mag Sexiest Man Alive issue party. Well, not sure chillin' is totally accurate but you get the gist.

Hashtag hot. Hashtag model. Hashtag yes please. Hashtag Tyson.

Aligned!

Tweet, Tweet...

https://twitter.com/RBunny

A few recently noted annoying yet amusing urban pet peeves

I have found that, living in the lovely city of Manhattan is great fodder for developing a list of urban pet peeves. I mean, after all, there are so many people invading your personal space, like, all of the time, that it is nearly impossible not to find some slash all of their behaviors moderately irritating to totally and absolutely horrifying. So, to show my utmost gratitude for helping me identify these behaviors and such, here it is, my list o' peeves.

• When sidewalk pedestrians walkkkkkk theeeeeeeeee pacccccccccceeeeee offf freaking TURTLES while inevitably performing some other simultaneous behavior that does not need to be performed during said slow walk. The simultaneous behaviors usually include but are not limited to the following: having a phone or in-person conversation, staring blankly at the window display adjacent to them, painstakingly typing a mobile email with one finger (I mean really, who types with one finger anyway), or multiple other variations on the aforementioned behaviors. People, you are seriously hindering my pace with your unnecessary slowness. I beg you, please, take a card from the majority of New Yorkers and adopt the typical I-must-get-to-my-destination-five-minutes-ago-if-not-less attitude and GET A MOVE ON.
• When sidewalk pedestrians commit the worst affront of all, incrementally more detrimental than the first one mentioned above... the mid-sidewalk stop. I'm walking behind you, perhaps slower than I'd wish for but hey, at least we're moving. You're walking, I'm walking, I'm walking and then... boom! Abrupt stop. Really? You just stopped mid-stride when obviously, there is a whole flow behind you that is totally dependent on traffic continuity. While it may be a foot lane, people, this is still a lane and you best stop blocking it!
• While the following peeve may be shared by most, I still wish to share it. This particular peeve occurs on mass transit vehicles, most notably the subway and the bus and it is when fellow transit riders choose to speak, typically in a very loud volume, on their mobile devices about matters that I, along with everyone else around them, definitely do not care to hear about. I mean, while I think it's swell that your 8-year-old is the smartest in his class, a prodigy in fact, and I appreciate that you're, like, totally not sure what to wear to your interview, do you think maybeeeee you could either a) limit that conversation to a few sentences or, b) gasp, save it for once you exit this mass transit vehicle? Sorry for that terribly long run-on but I felt it necessary. Grammar does not apply to pet peeves. Shocking statement from me, I know, I know. But yeah, enough. K, thanks.
• This peeve is in direct relation to the previous peeve but yet also distinct in its own right. When fellow gym-goers insist on conducting full conversations while on the treadmill, the stairmaster, and/or any other piece of gym equipment. I mean, while I do give the folks a dose of credit for being able to engage in serious cardio and carry on a full dialogue without totally losing their breath or falling off the machine (those people are definitely better multitaskers than me), I don't enjoy when the drone of their inane convo trumps my much-more-motivating-in-ear beats. Sheesh, if I can't hear that techno playlist pumped all the way up, ya think you might need to lower your voice? Just a thought.

That wraps up the peeves du jour and du weekend. I am confident that Peeves 2.0 will arrive in the near future so don't stray too far, Bunnies! Have a marvelous Monday and don't forget to keep walking!

So Very True. Ain't nothing like a good pair of kicks

Men: must memorize.

#soberingbuttrue

An open letter to digital targeting from a media girl

Dear Digital Targeting,

I wanted to write you an open and honest letter, just, you know, to tell you about my appreciation for your awesomeness... and also for a few times you embarrassed me.  As a whole, targeting, I really really like you.  It makes me so happy inside that we are friends. I think you are uber-smart and accurate, sometimes to the point of intrusively creepy even. But forget that creepy part, usually my perception of you is just that you are so cool, so cutting edge and of the moment. You never fall behind. I love how you know what I'm thinking without me even having to tell you, how you know what I want before I even ask for it, and how you totally get my weird likes. It's really awesome. You make me feel okay for being who I am, in all my weirdness.

I love how you're always there for me, Targeting, no matter where I go. You're there for me on Facebook, on Twitter, on Gmail and everywhere else I'd ever deign to venture. I never feel alone, for I know you will always be there waiting for me with all the things I'd ever want. You know my favorite designers, my favorite shows, my favorite foods, the calories that I want to consume on a daily basis, the gym I go to (and even the classes!!), where I buy my coffee and how I like it... and that's only a start. I am so comforted having you by my side.

I also wanted to share a few occasions in which you, um, sort of embarrassed me, too. There was this one time when my client came into my office and you told her that I spend a lot of time looking at jewelry during the day when really, I shouldn't be doing that during work hours. That's okay, though, Targeting, she got over it and so did I. Lucky for me, she's funny. Then there was this other time when you made my husband think I was a big ole lesbian. Oh no, wait, that's every day. I know I like Orange is the New Black and also the L Word, and a few lezzy-esque movies I guess, too, but that time when you told him in big bold letters that there were LESBIAN suggestions waiting for me... that embarrassed me, Targeting, and I found it only fair I tell you to balance all the positive things I shared.

In summary, Targeting, you're swell, you're smart, and you're just, well, cool. So, don't change (unless you get even cooler which you seem to do every day anyway!) and keep on keeping me company. Till we meet again soon, see you out there on the interwebs.

All my love,
Rachel

Happy Friday Indeed

Orange won't be quite as Black as predicted...

While it makes me immensely sad that Laura Prepon's fiercely awesome Alex Vause is now projected to grace us with her presence on only four episodes of OITNB 2.0, aka 2014, I must learn to count my blessings. Right? I mean, after all, it wasn't too long ago that Buzzfeed and, like, a lot of other noteworthy pop culture sources, reported she would only be on a measly ONE episode. So, I mean, as much as I would delight in seeing the lovely Ms. Vause in all 13 episodes of Season 2, in my effort to eliminate negativity from life (like, only where possible of course), I suppose I am (gulp) grateful for her upcoming presence at all. And you, Bunnies and inmates, should be too. Here's to positivity and to Alex Vause. Happy Friday kids!

For original Buzzfeed report, please reference below:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/kateaurthur/laura-prepon-orange-is-the-new-black-season-2

Branding the Bunny. Thoughts?

The Bunnylogue is on Twitter!!!

Bunnies!!! It's a big day! The Bunnylogue just launched its official Twitter handle! If you're a B-logue occasional reader, from-a-distance observer, or avid fan, PLEASE FOLLOW ON TWITTER and spread the word. Ain't nothing like a little good word of mouth, bunnies. Follow at @Bunnylogue at link below.

https://twitter.com/Bunnylogue

Woot!

Adding to the Oprah Club

In keeping with my increasing track record of hanging out with Oprah and co., last night I had the opportunity to hang out with new food editor to O Magazine, Sunny Anderson. Well, not only hang out with her, really, but delight in an intimate cooking class at the International Culinary Institute of NYC.

For those of y'all who are undoubtedly musing since, well, I'm not much of a cook, it was pretty easy. If only all cooking could come pre-equipped with pre-measured ingredients in tiny cups and just the right bowls and utensils awaiting in a perfect little stack. But alas. In any case, learning to "cook" with Sunny was highly enjoyable, rubbing shoulders with the publishers and editors of O Magazine a sheer delight... hearing their totally casual stories of Gayle's daily outfits and such..., and the food, well, highly delicious. All in all, it was a fabulous food fete with some fabulous friends of Ms. Winfrey.

Once again, it's good to be a media girl. xo

Band O' Bunnies

Well, in tribute to Ms. I-love-vienna-bronze Pam and as promised during last night's lovely cooking fete, here is the Band o' Bunnies. Well, and, you know, they're bunnies so they fit in here on the B-logue.

Truly enlightening - who knew a full orchestra of tiny bunnies could put you out close to $1,000? But of course, they're totally worth it. I mean, look at those talented little musicians.

Thanks, Pam, for the education. Hehe.

#viennabronze #bunnyband #sunnyanderson #omagazine #lotsofhashtags

Some things I would like to do or say but I know I never will

Get a cute little tattoo on my the outside of my left ankle. When I sported a fake one for the entirety of this past summer, I quite enjoyed the way it felt to be "someone with a tattoo". Much to the surprise of those around me, the thing was fake and now that it's gone, I actually quite miss it. Maybe one day I'll get up the guts. But then again, eh, probably not. Plus, how would I ever decide? I have enough trouble keeping my Facebook background the same for more than a week, let alone a freaking permanent body drawing.

Totally and completely uproot myself from my current life and move to a brand new city and make a whole new life. I always hear stories about people who do that and I can't help but feel slightly envious of their guts and bravery. It is such a bold move that I cannot even imagine making myself but yet I have such admiration for it. How refreshing that must be, how clean and new, A whole re-start. Neat.

Look those creepy gym-starers right in the face and say "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" Seriously, we all notice those fellow worker-outers who always frequent the gym at the same exact time as us on a daily basis. Some of these fellow patrons become pleasant familiar faces, some neutral bodies, some minorly annoying and/or smelly, and some outright horrifying. By horrifying, I mean, the stare-ers. One particular fellow morning worker-outer at my own gym is the absolute worst. Every time I happen to enter the gym and he is already there, he does the inevitable head-turn-and-stare... and does not cease staring until I am forced to move machines due to my being-stared-at-uncomfort. I'm here every fucking day, dude, same person, still me. So, seriously, please tell me once and for all, what are you looking at?!

Tell the gross men who smoosh me every single morning on the subway to get the fuck off of me. Only with more conviction. With exclamation points!!!! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!!! Personal space invasion!!! Alert!!!!! Alert!!!!!! That would be oh-so-cathartic. Alas.

Wear shorts to work. #nevergoingtohappen

Nicely ask the urban mothers who insist on knocking me over or running into me or rolling over my feet with their high-tech strollers on the street, in the elevator and everywhere else, that while I appreciate the miracle of procreation, those stroller collisions really hurt. I may not be a cute toddler anymore but I still have feelings. Womp womp.

Eat an entire box of Godiva white chocolates. This one I may actually do. In the near future.

On that note, good day, y'all.

Six Reasons Why Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Sounds like Sheer Misery

So, before I delve into this one, please note the fact that I am writing this from the hypothetical stance of someone who was even considering staying home with her kids. While noting this, let's all please kindly overlook the two glaring misfitting elements of the former statement. I do not desire children and if I did, I would not desire to stay home with them. Glad we got that squared away. I will now proceed.

6. There is no, and I mean, no, motivation to get dressed in absolutely anything other than pajamas. That would just totally kill me. I mean, what is a girl to do with a closet full of clothes, shoes, and bags when her only daily destination is from the bedroom to the kitchen to the bathroom and back? What a total and utter bummer. #louisvuittonwaste

5. Lack. Of. Stimulation. As precious and cuddly as little babies and toddlers may be, they do lack a bit in the mental stimulation arena. I mean, I wouldn't expect a small child to be able to keep up with a fast-paced convo or anything but just a little daytime back and forth banter would be nice I would think? I simply cannot imagine an entire day, let alone days plural, with my only uttered words being nothing more than the dreaded babytalk. Ugh, babytalk. Kill me.

4. Daytime TV. Yeah, it sucks. I guess there's always Netflix, though.

3. The fat factor. On the rare occasion I stay home from work in my REAL life, all I do is eat. All. Day. Long. I mean, really, where is the incentive NOT to eat anything and everything available in the fridge, the cabinet and the pantry? You're wearing elastic pajamas anyway and those snacks are probably just the thing you'll need to make that clock go from 2 pm to 3....

2. Having to greet the mailman when he arrives. If you live in a house of course. Maybe I'm just a cold-hard bitch but that sounds like it would be immensely annoying on a daily basis.

1. I started with this one and I'll end on it, too, because, you know, it's just that horrible-sounding. The total absence of heel-wearing. I'm cringing just imagining it. What's the point in a day without a good pair of heels?

Well, as mentioned above (note the reference to MUMW), since I am indeed not in this stay-at-home-mom-hell predicament, I think I'll conclude here. Time to go back to writing PowerPoint slides on my computer in my high-rise office while wearing my heels and skirt. Phew, that was exhausting.

Cheerio.

An Open Letter to My College Self

Dear Young Me,

I only have fond memories of my Ann Arbor days as a little Wolverine. These words are true. We had a grand old time those four years and in water-cooler-ish college conversation, I say that I wouldn't change a thing. But the real truth is, if you would indulge me to grant you a few words of advice, I have a few things to say. I would tell you to do a couple things differently, suggest a few additions and tweaks, and just give you some overall guidance. So, young college self, here are my words of wisdom.

Care less. You don't realize how utterly carefree and responsibility-free you are right now during these four years of your life. You're never going to have them again... ever. There won't ever be a day post-graduation during which you won't wonder, "When is pay day?" "What is my bank account balance?" "Did I pay all my bills?" These questions will haunt you like floating little ghosts in your grown-up brain. Just relish your young days while you still have them. Don't worry so much - you have the rest of your life to do that. And worry is just a misuse of the imagination, anyway.

Live more. All those "crazy" things that other people sometimes did and you wondered why they would do them... you should do them too. Stay for spring term even though you have no idea how to fund it. Go out every single night of the week just because you can. You know you can write that paper in a day, anyway. Engage in reckless partying, well, maybe not totally reckless, but moderately reckless. Just live it the hell up and don't look back.

Go to more football games. Even though you don't like (or, hate is perhaps a more accurate word) the sport itself, it's like, a crime not to with the what-you-will-know-ten-years-later-as-epic Big House right there, totally accessible for your attendance. Get some sun and you'll learn to like America's favorite sport. Well, maybe.

Get season tickets to Michigan basketball games. For as much of an NBA fan as you are, Ms. Bulls-to-Knicks-in-a-few-years, it is a total travesty not to take advantage of the awesomeness (and convenience) of the U of M basketball games. Even though most of your sorority sisters slash friends likely wouldn't be down for that, so what? Find some alternate, non-Greek ladies or gents with whom to attend. It will be good for you to find some different friends anyway. Do it.

Ditch the North Face. A little materialistic and silly, I know, but please, don't add to that sea of puffy-people-who-all-look-the-same. There are enough to begin with - get yourself a stylish pea coat or something, anything other than that same damn hideous North Face. It's okay to be different, I promise.

That's all for now, Young Me. Take what I said or leave it but take it from Old(er)You, it's solid advice. Have a great time and Go Blue.

Love,
30-Something-Me

I Couldn't Help But Wonder...

As I sat on the 6 train this morning, still in the lingering throes of slumber combined with a dose of artificial energy from the grande Starbucks I'd furiously downed on the treadmill, I started thinking about relationships... and I couldn't help but wonder... Oh, wait, no, I'm not actually Carrie Bradshaw. My apologies for that terribly accidental Fruedian slip. I jest, of course. 

But all kidding aside, last night, upon getting myself up to speed on the latest goings-on in the world of current TV, I did get to thinking about how totally and utterly fabulous the first "girl power / strong women / whatever you want to call it so it doesn't sound cheesy" show was. That being, of absolutely course, Sex and the City. It, itself, was fabulous, the ladies were to die for, the men, well, no words are needed other than amazing. And the quotes it left behind were some of the best to grace the small screen. Well, to this city girl, at least.

So, without further ado (even though I totally dislike that commonly-misused cliche), here is my small ode-in-quotes to SATC in all of its fucking fabulousness.

• "Have you ever been in love?"~Carrie   “Abso-fucking-lutely.”~Mr. Big
• "Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason"~Carrie
• "Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable?"~Carrie
• "Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it’s good you can’t get it anymore. If it’s bad you just had sex with an ex."~Samantha
• "It wasn’t logic,it was love." ~Carrie
• "If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house." ~Samantha
• "I proposed to myself!" ~Charlotte
• "They say the average 33-year-old woman has sex 3.5 times a week. I'd like to know who that woman is/" ~Random extra
• “I like my money right where I can see it…hanging in my closet.”~Carrie
• "I love you but I love me more." ~Samantha
• "But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” ~Carrie

       And my absolute favorite of all...

• “The world is made up of two girls, the simple girls and the Katie girls. I’m a Katie girl!” ~Carrie

After all, seasons come and seasons go, but in my heart, I will always be a Katie girl. Cheers to the best original ladies of premium cable. :)

Motivational Monday to Taunting Tuesday

Motivational Monday Continues

Monday Motivation

Yet another venture away from sarcasm and into serious, this time not written by me. Some really beautiful words and sentiments here. They feel very Oprah-Live-Your-Best-Life-esque and I think we all need a dose of that sometimes. Thanks as always, Thought Catalog. Hope you read and enjoy, Bunnies.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/tiarra-rossman/2013/11/58-phrases-that-will-help-you-be-your-best-self/

Sunday Musings & Observations

While engaging in my lazy Sunday Precor workout on this lovely November morning and flipping through my paper version of Us Weekly, I became startlingly aware of the fact that I was the only soul in the entirety of the gym holding a paper version of... anything. Magazine, newspaper, catalog -- not a trace in sight. Just my own lonely Us Weekly staring back at me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here feigning surprise at this paper-less environment in favor of, obviously, iPads, iPhones and such. I mean, I work in media so I do hear the whole "print is dead" nonsense every day but, you know. Back in the day, every tread mill, every Precor and StairMaster was undoubtedly adorned in some sort of paper reading material (well maybe not every single but you get the gist). Today for some reason it just became blatantly obvious to me that the sun has set over the days of reading at the gym. To my benefit and to not appear like, you know, some sort of old school cat, it most certainly helps that I get all sorts of paper print publications slung at me whether I ask for them or not. If that weren't the case, I'm certain my iPad would accompany me on the treadmill like everyone else, too. But alas, that was gym observation du jour.

Also. Observation/query #2. Can someone please kindly explain to me the resurgence of BBM? As a reminder, in case you forgot about this latter-day, antiquated mode of communication, here is a refresher. BBM was cool when people have blackberries, like, 8 years ago. RIM is now a good-as-dead company, no one choicefully has a Blackberry (save for the few souls whose companies still provide them)... and yet BBM is supposedly the new "it" app? Really? Even in the top 100 in the app store? Why? I remember back to my own Blackberry-owning days how utterly awesome that "new app" was but that is clearly attributed to the fact that it was the first of its kind. There was nothing else out there like it -- the dawn of the iPhone had not yet risen, Droids were not even a blip on the tech radar. So yeah, back then BBM was neat.  We could instantly message friends without using up a precious text from our limited number. And all we had to do to "BBM" friends was enter our pin!  Hmmm, thinking about that TODAY, minus the pin, that sounds eerily like iMessage to me. And iPhones don't even have pins! Sooooo, henceforth I pose my initial request for explanation. Why?

And the last one is more of an overarching New York waxing, I suppose, that I have not broached since the dawn of the B-logue. So, in tribute to the early days, here is it. They say New York is the city that never sleeps. Yet, each and every weekend morning when I arise and venture outside pre-10 am, the unmistakeable feeling of disagreement with that Manhattan-ism befalls me. I am always one of the few souls walking the streets during these "early" hours. From where I stand, all of the quaint little Manhattan neighborhood-ees around me are fast asleep in their beds. Mistake me not, I love these quiet early weekend hours more than any other time. There is a tangible feeling of serenity in the air, a sense of peace that rarely if ever rears its head other than during this time. Love it though I do, the common "city that never sleeps" utterance is lost on me. I know better. New York CIty does sleep - it sleeps soundly and it sleeps a lot. So goodnight, moon, and goodnight New York. Sleep well, and see you on Monday.

Made Up Media Words Take 2

After much anticipation (er, not really, a whopping 48 hours), Made Up Media Words Take 2 has arrived. Enjoy media muffins.

• Net net. I feel this is the perfect entracte to MUMW 2.0 given its daily frequency of use. I enjoy the net net, otherwise known as the double net (oh wait no, I just made that up as I type but it's cute right?) greatly, particularly given the total unnecessary-ness of the word repetition. I am not certain as to why us media folk feel the need to repeat that tiny little word twice in the same breath. I suppose it's to ensure our end point slash (net) takeaway is totally, fully, and emphatically clear. Because one net would most certainly not be sufficient to do so. But net - this double word is a clear favorite.
• Please Advise. Perhaps my #2 favorite after "aligned" - it's a close second though. Please advise is undoubtedly the rudest sign-off one could choose to employ at email end. The "please advise" far trumps the "great thanks" in its sarcastic condescension. Ending an email with "please advise" indicates a total and complete failure on the part of the email recipient. Example: "I asked you for GRP's. You sent me dollars. Please advise." Translation: "You are a total fucking moron who did not understand a word I said nor remotely grasp what I requested of you. "Please advise me on your stupidity" would be a better and more accurately stated sign-off.
• Parallel Path. Thanks, Mr. Meyerson, for bringing this ultimate classic to my attention. See, I told you you'd get a shout-out. Don't doubt the B-logue. In any case, the parallel path is perhaps another one of those non-media-exclusive greats but one that bridges several industries because it is just that awesome. The parallel path is great because it allows the person doing the path-ing to do work while said person waits for another undoubtedly slow-as-hell person to finish what he/she is doing. Example: "I know you don't have that time-sensitive information I asked for two weeks ago yet but of course that's not your fault. (sighing). We can parallel path, though, until you get it. I'll do the entire deck and just leave that one sentence that I need info for blank until you have it. K?" Parallel pathing is totally self-centric -- no one chooses the parallel path out of want but rather as a time-saving necessity so, you know, balls don't get dropped.
• Excellent segway to the next one. Drop the ball. Yet another non-media-exclusive. That seems to be the theme today. But while not media-only, the dropping of the proverbial ball is definitely deserving of mention in MUMW 2.0 in my opinion. After all, I wouldn't want to miss the boat, over-promise and under-deliver, or G-d forbid, drop the ball on my own blog post!
• Level set. I suppose I should have called this post Made Up Business Words instead of Made Up Media Words but, um, you know, I only do media sooo...  Anyway, I love a good level set. It's totally and utterly essential to level set when things are starting to spin out of total control. Us media folks have to keep those reigns tight and make absolutely certain that levels are being set. For some reason, I get the sense Jesse Pinkman would enjoy a bad-ass level set as well. "Let's level set here, BITCH." It just feels so right.

Well, in an effort to leave room for the possible MUMW Take 3, I'm going to leave it at that this evening. Thanks for checking back in on my snackable content, media muffins. Circle on back with me soon for more ever-amusing Made Up Media Words. Great thanks!!

Made Up Media Words Addendum

It has just been brought to my attention by the lovely non-media-but-equally-important-PR Ms. Tehan that I have carelessly omitted two highly important phrase / actions from my previous post. So rather than revising and re-posting, I aligned (with myself, that is) on compiling an addendum. Please see below for additions:

• Flush out. Thank you for pointing this out, Nicole. This phrase would not make the list were it to be used in its intended grammatically correct form, that being "FLESH out." While certain projects, ideas, and nuggets of wisdom do indeed need to be FLESHED out to their full potential, they most certainly do not need to be FLUSHED down the toilet. Example: "Here is our preliminary idea of tactics for the launch but please note, these need to be further flushed out before going to upper management." Um, really, because I don't think you want to flush those babies that you spent hours toiling away on down the bowl. Really, people, if your incomplete idea sounded half-baked before, it sounds incrementally more so (and you do too) now that you've uttered the embarassingly incorrect "flush-out".
• And lastly, this is not so much a word or phrase but a behavior most commonly exhibited by timid employees in the context of brainstorms. The behavior consists of the following. The utterance of a self-deprecating or down-playing opening statement just prior to offering a totally awesome idea. Example 1: "This may be totally dense but..." followed by the most strategically spot-on, strategic idea ever thought of in the history of said brand/campaign etc. Example 2: "Feel free to totally knock this down because it is so utterly dumb but..." followed by same idea. Seriously, kid, just skip the self-deprecation and you could be the next CEO. Well, maybe not, but you get the gist.

Addendum complete. For real this time. Props again Ms. Tehan. Hearts.

Made Up Media Words #laterblog

I realized bright and early this morning when I awoke strangely and uncharacteristically early (must be that whole fall back thing) that I had left a what-could-be-superbly-amusing b-logue post incompleted in the black hole of drafts! Shame be upon me, I know. In any case, here is a much-too-overdue version of the post I intended to write some amount of weeks ago. Hopefully the terribly kitschy Instagram verbiage borrowage, #laterblog, makes up for the tardiness. Better late than never I suppose though, right?

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As a tribute to Buzzfeed's "Misused and Made Up Words" post earlier today (note at this current date, the Buzzfeed post I speak of was in actual time, roughly a month ago) on the ridiculousness of fake words, I found it only fair that I do my own take on the snark-infested grammatical post. So here you have it, "Made Up Media Words". I cannot fairly say these are truly misused, however, since, you know, us media folk have an uncanny ability to strategically throw around media jargon in a way that makes total fucking perfect sense. It's all about the leveraging, right? Note while reading below - I am the most guilty party when it comes to employing said phrases / words in daily media conversation. And I'm only going to cite a few, for citing them all would take up much too much time that I could be better using to, you know, leverage. That said, here we go...

• Leverage. The perfect first one. While leverage is a word in actuality, the contexts in which media folk choose to employ this fantastically versatile word are rarely if ever grammatically sound. Example: Leverage efficiencies. Hmmm, can one really do that?
• Learnings. Just an all-time classic. Merriam Webster says no plural form of this word exists. But it sure does in media! I love leveraging learnings.
• Deck. Well, this isn't really jargon so much as a term that a lot of us business folk use. The use of this lovely little word in media does not refer to the wooden outdoor portion of a house but rather a PowerPoint presentation of highly important material of course. A short "deck" is referred to as a "decklette". I have always had a particular soft spot in my heart for that little word. Decklette - it sounds so precious doesn't it?
• "As talked." Again, not technically jargon but rather two small words put together into one concise little phrase. While concise, the phrase carries so much meaning. Example: "As talked, please revise the deck ASAP and re-send." Anything prefaced with "as talked" means you should already remember and know what I am about to say prior to me saying it and if you don't, well, epic fail for making me remind you.
• Circle back. An absolute classic. Circling back refers to getting back to some party at a later point in time. Oftentimes, the use of the circle back indicates someone a) not knowing an answer to a question and employing said euphemism versus the more common "I don't know" or b) needing to confer with one's boss before being able to utter a word with confidence or c) just desiring to use a media phrase to end a phone call. Any of these occasions are appropriate context for the circle back.
• Align. Hands down my personal favorite. So much so, in fact, that I have extended the use of "align" and "aligned" and "aligning" from my professional sphere well into my personal one. To align is to agree, to get approval from clients, bosses, vendors, or anyone really. To receive alignment is also to get a go-ahead from anyone who is a higher level than you. Getting alignment is like receiving a cold Evian in the desert. It's the cherry on top of the gross frosting of life. Aligning and being aligned in personal life carries essentially the same meaning as in business life. Example 1:  "Let's go to the bar." "Aligned." Example 2: "Breaking Bad is the best show ever." "I'm in total alignment." K? We aligned on this?
• In the loop. While this may be a common one in all industries and walks of life, it seems particularly so in the marvelous maze of media. It is essential that everyone everwhere be in the loop on everything all of the time. 
• And now, the perfect one to end on... "Great thanks!" I particularly enjoy observing the overuse of these two words, no matter the context. Whether the meaning of an email be fantastic, good, neutral, bad or absolutely fucking horrible, roughly half of the goodbye salutations in my inbox on a daily basis are inevitably, "Great thanks! followed by name of sender". While some emails may indeed convey a positive message and warrant an overjoyed sentiment as close-out, certainly not all do so. Example 1: "You guys really missed the ball on this one. Total fail. Sales have plummeted. Great, thanks!" Example 2: "We know lunch was supposed to be in half hour and you ordered $500 worth of food but unfortunately something came up and we can no longer make it. Great thanks!" Example 3: Vendor: "We really undelivered on your campaign and have nothing to offer as makegood. We really look forward to working together next year, though. Great thanks!" Note none of the aforementioned examples cite anything that in any way warrant a positive sign-off. Henceforth, the unbelievableness of the use of these two little words. #neverendingamusement

And, that about wraps it up for now. Check back for Made Up Media Words Take 2 in the coming days. Until then, kids, work on those next steps and reach out with questions. Best regards!! 

:)

I still love black, but OITNB is the new best

These words will likely never exit my lips, er fingertips, ever again, but I am not in a writing mood today. Yes, that's right, it's #writersblockmonday. Shame on me. But alas, I am going to attempt to make an at least half-assed effort to share my feeling about the epicness of Orange is the New Black. Well, maybe quarter-assed. But I'll do my best.

In typical fashion, I'm totally behind the TV times. To quote my graciously sarcastic co-worker, apparently I make a habit of watching popular shows six to nine months after their hay day. I'm working on that, really I am. But yes, just a little over a couple weeks ago, after drowning in my tears from finishing the epic Breaking Bad, I needed something new to watch. I'd seen that little Orange and Black icon taunting me for weeks every time I went into Netflix so I finally made the decision that it was next up on the queue. Orange is the New Black, here I come. 

Well, had I had any bit of inclination as to the total awesomeness of this show before now, I most certainly would have defied my usual behind-the-times viewing trend. I wish I had known because, wow. OITNB is total fucking perfection. Pardon my French but seriously. This show has everything I could ever ask for out of television: psychological drama, dark humor (black like the color of my heart... thanks, Ms. Griz), lezzy love affairs, ahem,  cat fights and prison. What more could a girl ask for?! 

There is literally not one thing I don't totally and utterly adore about OITNB. Well, maybe the lack of fashion but not really. I mean, personally, I would not be able to rock those orange and tan scrubs but Pipes & Alex, you ladies rock them like stars. Plus there's my decidedly unstraight crush on Laura Prepon's cold-as-rocks Alex Vause. Love her. If I could be or be with someone in prison, it would most definitely be Alex -- great voice, great hair, great glasses. Well, before they got smashed, that is.

In any case, in the effort of keeping this a snackable tribute blog post, I'll leave it at that. Suffice to say, OITNB is most definitely the new best bet on Netflix and really, anywhere. So if you haven't taken the orange prison plunge yet, take it from me, you need to. Like, right now. Don't be afraid of what you don't know. In the words of one particular inmate, really, it ain't all that bad.