Yesterday, I went to my usual neighborhood starbucks in the mid to late afteroon to get my usual daily coffee (don't tell my gastro becuase I know Sbux coffee is probably much too acidic for my acid ridden GI tract. But I digress. The line was uncharacteristically long for a 3p Sunday caffeine fix ad I was feeling, as per usual status quo, crappy tired and irritable. A sad state of affairs I must concede but sadly a true one. in any case, there i stood, clad in my un-best-attempt at looking anything closely resembling equinox-chic but rather instead, in my laziest uncaring state of being -- zero make up, unwashed face, dirtyish leggings and a baggy t-shirt made baggier by its many years of wash cycles and fewer years/months/weeks of weight lost on the girl underneath it. the girl "wearing it." ok, so that is the scene -- Me, at Bux, waiting online for caffeination. Just to close the loop on teh scene, I have noticed as of late in my recent state of heightened anxiety, sickness, irriatabiltation, that donning the absolutely fucking largest noise-blocking obnoxious Beat by Dre headphones has legitimately reduced my anxiety. Yes, this is real truth and non snark. I am legitimatley serious. These godly enormous fucking headphones intended for the most inense of music-makers, rap-takers and beat shakers (Please forgive the abhorrent rhyming I an just too tired to try harder), while not intended as anxiety-blockers, I have found to be as such. I swear somehow my enormous silver larger-than-my-head-and-brain Beats by Dre on-hear headphones seem to be stronger than Xanax lately...the blocking out of sound of everything around AND ODDLY AND CONFUSINGLY IMPORTANTLY, WITHIN ME, has proven lately to be epically and profoundly fucking relaxing. I don these things in my apartment, on the street, at the gym, and apparently, at Starbucks waiitng for my coffee. Well, apparently it seems others also are privy to their uncanny noise blockagability (good fake word rach!), which brings me to the meat of writing this.
So, there's me...still on line and now you have the full picture, lame loose leggings, jacket, HUGE BEATS ON EARS, waiting in a what i'm certain was lividly irritated stance and look. While my music was awaiitng its next song, I found I was able to hear ab conversation somehoe through the beat blocability behind me. "That anorexic girl in line....' I didn't even hear the end of the setnence. I didn't move at first, didnt turn around to give a rude or "I heard that" stare...nope, none of that, iN fact I did not flinch. "That girl is so fucking anorexic it's disgusting, ew." still, i didn't budge, no, i only listened. The two people kept talking about me, as if I was not even there, invisible, deaf, A GHOST. "I bet someone loves her, I wonder who, that is so sad, look at her legs."
Hey guys, i THOUGHT but did not SAY, I can FUCKING HEAR YOU. I'M STANDING HERE. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? I HEAR YOU.
Of course these words stayed in the walls between my ears, as per usual lately.
At this point, I was done with their thoughtless insensitivities. God, thank god for these Beats, PRESS. PLAY. NOW. Yes, my fingers pressed play on my ears. Ahh, drown out the fucking world and its truths again.
I hate writing lately, I hvaen't the patience for it. But I write all this to say...People, for the love of all that may or may not be God, or life, or anything real that you value. Think before you speak. Adjust the volume or tenure of your thoughts before they leave the palor of your lips. But more importantly, before you deign to AUDIBLY judge another human outloud, think again. Think just for a moment about maybe, just MAYBE what that other person might too be feeling, experiencing or doing. How sick he or she might be in his or her body or mind...likely both. Maybe take a goddamn second to say to yourself, gee, maybe that person feels awful already because she looks sad and maybe she does not want to hear this from a couple random strangers while she awaits her acidic blonde roast. Right, probably not.
The world is a place of aesthetics -- that is and always will be true. We as humans feel with our hearts but ultimatey first see with our eyes. We state what we see and say what we may...but all of that can be tempered with time and tolerance. Take the time to temper before making what could be injurious, audible. It just may save one hurt or annoyed feeling...and isn't that just worth a beat or two of your time?