Thursday, June 9, 2011

i miss oprah

in this p.o. (post oprah) era, i have just recently begun to feel saddened. my dvr is so barren, so empty, a morose metaphor for the sadness of my heart. a beautiful literary moment i have just created there between my television recorder and my soul. i have always had a flair for the dramatic. but i digress. i miss oprah -- who will fill my post-work mind with un-crappified entertainment now? gayle won't cut it, my glorified oprah magazine ipad app won't do, re-runs only serve to turn my already bleak soul even bleaker. please come back oprah. :(


i'd like to get an understanding of the rationale of those individuals who choose to wear long pants, long sleeved, and even...a scarf? during this 95 degree heat wave in manhattan. yes, that's right, this morning on the sweltering subway as i gathered all my strength not to sweat nor faint, i observed a woman, standing seemingly calm and comfortable, dressed in a skirt to her ankles, closed toe shoes, a veritable sweater and here's the rub...a SCARF. i stood there in my barely there flimsy cotton sundress sweating and staring. i just simply lack an understanding of this. what must go through an individual's head upon waking up, seeing the weather forecast of 97 degrees, going to one's closet and choosing this heat-inducing get-up for the day? what is the thought process? just curious.

Monday, June 6, 2011

a bitter moment

i never fail to be entertained slash amused when people at "higher levels" speak as if those below them are little imbessolic nincompoops. and by entertained, i mean unbelievably bothered. i have a flair for euphemisms. "here is the sentence that you wrote that i've reconstructed, taking out the pertinent words and inserting words that actually don't make sense in this context but that i'm going to insert regardless because i think they make me sound smarter (although in reality they just make you sound like you are spewing jargon that doesn't even go together). now does that make sense? do you see where i'm going with that? let me know if you don't get it".
pretty sure i got it the first time i wrote it in plain normal words before you deconstructed it ten times over, only for it to convey the exact same meaning once you can translate it from nonsensical jargon to reality. so yes, thank you so much for making sure that i understood your sentence. i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, for i'd never written a sentence before i came here. love, rachel