Monday, April 22, 2013

My Top 7 Favorite Daily NYC MTA Lines

7.  "Assaulting a bus driver is a felony." I'm pretty certain that a bus riding patron with intentions of assaulting the driver is prooobably not going to abort mission due to the MTA lady's gentle little reminder of the legal repercussions.  Just a thought.

6. "This is a reminder that the fare on local buses is $2.50 and select bus service is $5.00." Really, MTA lady, because I ride the select bus every single day twice per  day and every single time the fare is $2.50. Price check please.

5. "Please move away from the doors. Please move away from the doors." At first I felt threatened by this ominous-from-above-seeming booming... as if, if I didn't move away from the door, closer into the confines of the sardine can (er, bus), we wouldn't move. Then I learned. Even when no one is near the door, when it's just me and the driver on the lonely stupid M34A after hours, the manly MTA robot is still not satisfied with the door to human space ratio.

4. "You are the eyes of New York." Yikes, if that's really true, I fear for the five boroughs. My vision royally sucks. I probably couldn't spot a killer if he whacked me in the back with a weapon.

3.  "Touch yellow handle to open doors." It seems pretty simple, doesn't it? She just said, TOUCH the handle to open the door, she didn't say shove the door with all your might or kick the door. She didn't even say aggressively push the door. And yet every single time I'm patiently waiting my turn to exit by gingerly touching that yellow handle, someone in the mass ahead of me nearly breaks the door. Geez people, try cardio kick-boxing instead.

2. "Please exit through the rear doors." But my subway stop is closer to the front door, I don't wannnnna exit through the rear doors, I wanna get to my destination in as quick a manner as possible and that means exiting through the front door. Can't I please just go out the front door?

1.  "If you see something, say something." Now, does that include too-close-for-comfort contact from that homeless looking but potentially not homeless guy at 9a? Does creepy staring count? If I said every single questionable thing that I saw on the bus/subway every day, I'd be hoarse by the time I got to work.


  1. "Assaulting a bus driver is a felony." is an obnoxious assault on the dignity of bus riders. I find it offensive, especially since it appears only certain riders on less affluent routes need to be "reminded" not to hit the driver. It also implies that assaulting a passenger is not a felony, so having a bad day, go ahead and beat the person standing next to you!