Thursday, May 23, 2013

Things I Would Like to Not Have To Do ... Ever Again

Put on eyeliner. Given that it's been established I resemble a washed up zombie in its absence, it would really be ideal if it could just permanently, like, be there. Without me having to apply it every single day. Is that too much to ask?

Visit the dentist. I know I've said this before BUT it's just such an arduous buzzkill to any day such visits occur. No matter WHAT previous or post events take place on the shoulder of a dentist visit, they are inevitably tainted by the impending or preceding violating oral visit.

Stuff the overflowing garbage bag into that tiny little space in the garbage compactor. It just inevitably negates any trace of cleanliness that I may have previously felt. Additionally, why can't that damn thing stay open on its own anyway?

Commute from the stupid FDR to work. Oh wait, I don't have to! I heart 7 minute commutes.

Overhear annoying Manhattan mothers talk about their prodigy child's private school drama. Affairs of the New York City younguns should be kept in the home. Er, apartment.

Walk through Times Square. I don't encourage violence but traipsing through the most overcrowded place in the city simply cannot be done without kicking a few tourists in the heels. I think I turned into one of those proverbial "real New Yorkers" the second I stepped foot into Times Square.

Take connecting flights. Is there really any need to go into details on this one? #puretorture

Live anywhere but NYC. 

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