Sunday, January 20, 2013

Distaste Previewed

     As I do as awards season annually approaches, I enter obsessive-I-must-see-every-nominated-movie mode.  I absolutely cannot bear to watch the Golden Globes, PCAs, or (heaven forbid), the Oscars, as a not-completely-informed citizen. Awards season, like the December holiday time, is a special moment of the year, and I feel it is my duty to, as a consumer contributing to these shows' ratings, be able to make informed guesses as to the projected outcomes of each win.
    Since the majority of my usual day-to-day life, even weekend-inclusive, is consumed by necessary duties such as that minor task otherwise known as my career, never-ending personal errands, and then the occasional social commitment, the notion of going to sit in a movie theater for 3 hours at a stretch typically does not enter my realm. During awards season, however, I try as best I can to overcome this and prioritize the task of movie viewership in my life.
     This year, as in years passed, I have paid visit to the movie theater three times within the past three weeks, the last time being for "Zero Dark Thirty". The movie, in my regard, was extremely well done, the acting top-notch and the storyline founded on a well-chosen piece of history essential for all to see. Since Zero Dark Thirty is not, in actuality, the subject matter here, I wish to move on.
     It is my expectation that when I, as a paying citizen, make the choice to see a movie, the previews for said movie will be apropos (or at least somehow relatable) to the feature I have chosen. For illustrative purposes I will be overt for a moment -- should I choose to see a drama such as, namely, Zero Dark Thirty, I would expect its respective previews to be for upcoming dramatic films. Should I make the choice to view a comedy, I expect the preview selection to be within the comedic genre as well. As of late, I have found this not to be the case at all but in fact, quite the opposite.
     Let me date back to my most recent experience of Zero Dark Thirty. Well before taking my (quite comfortable) seat in the theater that day, I was well aware of the subject matter of the film. Historical non-fictional of my favorites. So when the lights finally dimmed to commence the previews, I was actually quite looking forward to what I expected to see. I mentally prepped myself to assess which of the upcoming three-minute drama clips intrigued me enough to internally decide I would see it upon release. Not only did none of the previewed clips meet that expectation...none of them bore even the slightest relevance to the feature title.
    While in drama-anticipatory mode, I sat idly by watching Melissa McCarthy disgrace the screen consecutively for two different upcoming films. These respective movie titles may very well have been the same, although they were indeed different, since her projected character was absolutely identical in both. Please excuse my judgement in the following statement but there she was again, the same annoying broad we saw in Bridesmaids: the "it-doesn't-matter-that-you're-fat-because-you're-supposed-to-be-funny" girl next door. Since this is indeed my own blog, I feel somehow allowed to say that I despise Melissa slash Molly. I find her to be a disgrace to both the small and big screens and that she is no more than another much-less-amusing overweight Roseanne.  (Insert fact here that Roseanne can do no wrong in my opinion and I do quite enjoy and respect her acting unlike Melissa).  I try to be open-minded, try to find good qualities in all, however I struggle to find anything resembling redeeming in Melissa McCarthy. Her characters both annoy and disgust me, I find no humor in her fart jokes, and I simply cannot abide the fact that she is even famous at all.
    Having gotten that rant under way, if Melissa/Molly must exist in the prestigious land known as Hollywood, her presence on the screen should be limited to those "I-am-not-intelligent-enough-to-understand-this-is-not-real-humor" genre movie previews. Make no mistake I personally would never, not today and not ever, pay good money to see her in action and I do not wish to see her tacky self on screen when I make the intelligent decision to see a valuable movie such as Zero Dark Thirty.  If I wished to view tasteless toilet humor, I would, but being that I do not, please, Hollywood Press, spare me from this disgusting nonsense. The world is tasteless enough without being forced to further witness it on the big screen, so I bet of you, film industry, grant me the privilege of forming my own qualitative cinematic priorities.

No comments:

Post a Comment