Sunday, February 3, 2013

Stupor Sunday

     Here we are again on my favorite day of the year -- the day when all of America celebrates the sport of football. Girls and guys alike congregate on couches throughout the country to watch the most highly rated guy-on-guy tackle match of the year. Yes that's right, it's Super Bowl Sunday. And in case you were uncertain as to my tonality in the former 2 sentences, correct, that was indeed sarcasm.
     Why the negativity you may be wondering? How could I not adore the biggest sporting day of the year, the day when companies spend three million dollars for thirty seconds of on-screen branding (If you did the calculation, you are correct, that's roughly $100,000 per second. And that's a conservative estimate). Well, it's actually quite simple -- I absolutely detest the sport of football. I always have. This comes as a confusing surprise to many people in my life, due to several reasons (so I'm told).  Well yes, I did attend The University of Michigan, a quintessential Big 10 college experience, rife with solid sports teams, talented athletes and the famed "Big House" football stadium.  Each of those four years, my parents annually bought me season tickets to attend Wolverines football and each year, I promptly scalped those tickets to any non U of M football lovers who desired them. A college girl's gotta make money somehow right? But I digress. I did attend roughly one (or at least half of one) game per season with friends, at that stage still slightly optimistic that I would one day just "get" football like the rest of the breathing world. My guy friends tried explaining the sport to me, sell me on its athleticism and exciting factor. Mmmm yeah, that never worked. At least I can get beer and a tan here, I used to tell myself. And then at some point, even those self-dictates stopped working...and I gave up.
     Since then, I've non-ashamedly embraced my hatred of the sport of football and actually seemingly quite amuse those around me with my negative waxings on the matter. I've been known to utter many a phrase a la "these guys are fat", "it's just a freezing wrestling match" or "I could definitely run faster than that". I recognize how inane and uninformed these (in my opinion) amusing comments must seem to my football-loving peers, however I just cannot seem to put myself in their shoes. I cannot grasp the allure of the slow-moving, ugly-uniformed, violent sport.
     But alas, I know that not many share my opinons and as I've mentioned, here I am once again. I'm relishing these last few moments in the absence of a Super Bowl takeover on my Facebook newsfeed, the lingering hours when people will still actively engage in non-football, non-screaming-decibal conversation.  I have agreed to attend a Superbowl (or as my childhood friend has wittily dubbed it with her married name, Sattinbowl) gathering later this evening in the spirit of being an American-culture-abiding, social citizen and I'm actually looking forward to it. It, of course, being the guacamole, wine, and it goes without saying, commercials and half-time show. I will do all in my power to not be in a food-coma-ed, Chardonnay-ed up stupor by then so as to be able to absorb the important elements of the game (namely, as stated, the :30 spots and half-time show) while still able to mask my boredom during the intervals between commercial pods.
     I hope everyone out there has a swell Sunday sitting, screaming, and sneering and jeering (oops that was a basketball reference, thanks Clyde Frazier) at the wrestlers, I mean athletes, at 6:30p tonight. If you, too, develop football ennuie, be sure to check back here for some sure-to-be snarky musings and more importantly, commercial commentary. Ta ta for now and see you on the cyber sideline.

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