Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Six Reasons Why Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Sounds like Sheer Misery

So, before I delve into this one, please note the fact that I am writing this from the hypothetical stance of someone who was even considering staying home with her kids. While noting this, let's all please kindly overlook the two glaring misfitting elements of the former statement. I do not desire children and if I did, I would not desire to stay home with them. Glad we got that squared away. I will now proceed.

6. There is no, and I mean, no, motivation to get dressed in absolutely anything other than pajamas. That would just totally kill me. I mean, what is a girl to do with a closet full of clothes, shoes, and bags when her only daily destination is from the bedroom to the kitchen to the bathroom and back? What a total and utter bummer. #louisvuittonwaste

5. Lack. Of. Stimulation. As precious and cuddly as little babies and toddlers may be, they do lack a bit in the mental stimulation arena. I mean, I wouldn't expect a small child to be able to keep up with a fast-paced convo or anything but just a little daytime back and forth banter would be nice I would think? I simply cannot imagine an entire day, let alone days plural, with my only uttered words being nothing more than the dreaded babytalk. Ugh, babytalk. Kill me.

4. Daytime TV. Yeah, it sucks. I guess there's always Netflix, though.

3. The fat factor. On the rare occasion I stay home from work in my REAL life, all I do is eat. All. Day. Long. I mean, really, where is the incentive NOT to eat anything and everything available in the fridge, the cabinet and the pantry? You're wearing elastic pajamas anyway and those snacks are probably just the thing you'll need to make that clock go from 2 pm to 3....

2. Having to greet the mailman when he arrives. If you live in a house of course. Maybe I'm just a cold-hard bitch but that sounds like it would be immensely annoying on a daily basis.

1. I started with this one and I'll end on it, too, because, you know, it's just that horrible-sounding. The total absence of heel-wearing. I'm cringing just imagining it. What's the point in a day without a good pair of heels?

Well, as mentioned above (note the reference to MUMW), since I am indeed not in this stay-at-home-mom-hell predicament, I think I'll conclude here. Time to go back to writing PowerPoint slides on my computer in my high-rise office while wearing my heels and skirt. Phew, that was exhausting.


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